Writing is a great form of self-expression that can be a major factor in how you cope with the death of your loved one. This can be a very important tool for you to use along with having a small support system or it’s even better for you if you live alone. It may also surprise you that you possess a gift, that can give you additional satisfaction when expressing your grief.
Let’s face it, anyone can write. You don’t have to be a good writer or an excellent speller to use writing as an important tool to cope with the death of a loved one. Nor do you have to write a lot each time you sit down with the pen in your hand. Simply write what you feel at the time that you feel it…is the basic rule.
So why is it important for you to consider writing as a coping technique? Here are some very good examples for you.
1. Writing leads to healing. It helps you obtain and understand new insights and ideas that often surface when you are alone and in a contemplative mode. It can jar your memory. You may discover a tinge of anger, hidden resentment, or even clarify some of your guilt feelings.
2. Writing a letter to the deceased loved one can also be an excellent way to finish unfinished business. Many people have written about their sorrow over not having been with the loved one at the moment of death or for things that were said in anger. Others write to tell of their love and concern.
3. Write to the person who has been most faithful and understanding of your needs. It can also be therapeutic to tell your best friend or family member in writing how much you appreciate all that they have done for you and that you love him/her. Be sure to give specific examples of how their support was comforting to you.
4. Write a letter to God. Ask for assistance in trying to find meaning in the death of your loved one, which is an important task in dealing with your grief. You may wish to ask for a sign that your loved one is okay or for the courage and strength to make the adjustment to life without the physical presence of the loved one.
5. Consider a daily diary. You may want to consider starting a daily diary where you record and reflect on your day, and the most difficult as well as the most helpful things that occurred. Daily writing can be especially useful as you look back over earlier entries and realize how far you have come in your efforts to adjust.
6. List the inspirational and loving statements that you can remember your loved one saying. As you review your life and relationship with the loved one, writing down key phrases or ideas that were spoken can give you so much information to think over as to how you would like to keep his/her memory alive in your life.
7. Write to clarify your goals. You can also write out the way you think you will deal with certain issues associated with reinvesting in life. Developing a plan to deal with your new life (the concept of a new life is an important one to adopt) can give you needed direction and a sense of accomplishment. It can be especially useful to make a “to do” list at the close of each day as a guide for the following day. This also helps you in limiting the time spent on focusing only on your loss.
It is very important to understand that the more attention you give to your loss the more power you give it to dominate life. Since the grief process is a series of making choices, at some point in your mourning it becomes essential to decide whether you will be continuously loss oriented or restoration oriented. Loving in separation and reinvesting in life are not mutually exclusive. Together they are part of moving forward.
Through trial and error decide when it is best for you to write. Some like to do it in the morning, others before they retire for the day. By using writing as an outlet for your thoughts and feelings, it will also help physically because every thought and emotion affects you at the cellular level as well. You will never forget your beloved, and writing will insure that this proves true.
by: Kat Ritchie
Tags: depression and writing, expressing your grief, grief, journal writing, writing heals, writing is good for you, writing through grief
December 6th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Very good post and an important message. I’ve been writing for over 30 years but it wasn’t until my Mom died 15 years ago that I threw myself into writing as a means of therapy. I have been writing ever since. If it weren’t for my writing at that time I don’t know how I would have coped with her passing.
Joanne Olivieri´s last blog ..Inspiration Path
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
When I just read about the part of not being there when you promised your loved one that you would be there when they passed…I tell my mom every day that i’m sorry that i wasn’t there, and i still feel quilty. I took care of my mom like a hospital would have. That’s what she wanted, that’s what she got. We argued when she was ill, i regret that. I currently am writing a book on my experience, but every time I start it, I can’t continue. I’ve written so many things, short storys…diaries..letters…what does it take? I just don’t know anymore. There’s day I don’t leave my house, won’t leave my house…because i don’t want to leave here for someone reason, there’s got to be a reason. I was in the hospital recently, and had noone, i mean noone. I was really ill, and didn’t know what i would do if something happened to me. I have chrones disease and it had gotten the better of me.
The other day while I was going to the store, I saw a very sm. rainbow, ever so sm. And I knew if was my mom. I could tell. You just know. I’ve had visits by her. At least four or five. I’ve never shared my grief, maybe it’s about time. I’m so alone with all over this, and it’s been since march 16, 2002 at 0430 am when my mom passed, well, at least when i was woken, later to learn that my help that night said she asked for me at 230 am, so i missed her by 2 hrs. I was supposed to be there. The day before, I told her it was ok to go. I knew I had to do that. It was by far the hardest thing to do. She kept saying, “well what is my jennifer going to do?” I said I’ll be ok….well I’m not ok..not by far. I can’t say anymore, it’s making me sick to my stomache. All i can say is I wish god didn’t take her, she was only 69, it wasn’t and isn’t fair. I’m trying to heal…but I can’t seem to budge…
December 24th, 2009 at 4:03 am
I think sharing this with us could be a huge start in a healing direction for you. Stay with it and see where it takes you!
Best of luck- L
December 24th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
I agree! I’ve written so much. I figured it should be a book by now. I’ve thought about it for yrs, even before my mom passed away about writing a book, I start to do it, and I say, “I’m going to get all my wrting together and do it”. But, there’s just so much of it, I don’t know where to begin. Tonight for me is very hard, but tomm. will be the real time it will hit me. I will in my own way spend sometime to talk to my mom, who knows maybe I’ll get that light touch on the shoulder, or feel a cool breeze, it’s happened to me before. The hardest day for me is the day of her death..”Death day”, on that day, I don’t care what kind of mood I’m in, and I don’t care how many people tell me to “Just get over it already”, that’s my day to reflect. They are the ones that don’t understand what/we have gone through. Peace everyone, and merry christmas, and that’s very hard for me to say and even write. J