This past weekend, we stopped in a small restaurant on the way home from a college visit. There were only three tables of customers, including us, and one waitress, a young girl around 20 years old. As we waited for our food, I noticed how well the young girl made small talk with her customers. She was a master of conversation, making everyone feel like she was interested in everything they had to say. While this may not seem like a big deal, it is truly an art.
How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and realized they weren’t listening to a word you said. Too many people forget that the most important part of communication is listening. Rather they think of what they will say next instead of giving the speaker their undivided attention.
Because I’m in business, I talk with a lot of people everyday. It’s important to build relationships in order to be successful in business. I’ve had the opportunity to take several classes in public speaking and was lucky enough to take a twelve week Dale Carnegie course that dealt with everything from public speaking to remembering names. The truth is, while these were helpful, you don’t need formal training to hold a good conversation. Here are a few tips:
1. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Rather than saying, “did you have a nice vacation” ask “Where did you travel to this summer?”
2. Listen to the person’s answer, paying attention to non-verbal cues as well. If the person seems excited to talk about something, follow up with another question. If they offer more information in there answer, you can inquire about that.
o For example, if they say, “We visited the beach with my parents” you could follow up with, “Where are your parents from?” This opens up a whole new aspect to the conversation.
3. You don’t have to focus solely on the other person. As the conversation progresses, feel free to interject some of your personal experiences. Be sure not to dominate the conversation, however, or to appear like you are trying to better them.
o A great response to the example above would be, “Oh, I love traveling with my parents. They love to watch the kids for us. Were you able to get a night out alone while you were away?”
4. Remember these same tips when someone tries to start a conversation with you. Don’t make it difficult by providing scant answers. Give them a little information to grab onto. It will be more comfortable for both of you.
5. As a conversation progresses you will know when it’s time to bring it to an end. Always excuse yourself politely and use their name. It makes people feel valued.
o “It was great talking with you Ann. I hope we can chat again sometime.”
Watching the waitress work her tables this weekend was a great reminder for me of how to talk with people, making them feel valued and important. I know that girl will go far. As we chatted while paying our check, I learned that she was attending nursing school. She, in turn, heard about our college visit.
by: Karen Reese
Tags: are you really listening, art of conversation, conversation, conversing, interesting conversation, listening, talking with others
