The Angels Weekly

Welcome back to another chapter in online dating.  As mentioned last time, we are going to discuss what to expect when chatting with people online and whether or not it is time to let them go.

One thing I can tell you is recently I made a big mistake.  I met a guy and had been chatting with him for about a month and with another man for about three months and I wrote about it to a friend of mine on Facebook.  My friend asked me how I had been, if I was married, had kids, etc. so I wrote back to tell her that I was single but was taking advantage of online dating.  I further explained that I was chatting with a few guys and one guy I met seemed really nice and was easy to talk to and I enjoyed speaking with him.  I told her that the other guy I was just getting to know but he seemed OK too.  At the end of this conversation, she wished me luck in my search and that was that.

Well anyway, one of the guys I was talking with was also on Facebook and asked me if I would add him as a friend.  He was the one I had been talking to for about a month so I said yes.  This was a big mistake.  He totally fell off the earth when he had been writing every day so I let it go for a week and wrote to him letting him know I had added him to Facebook about a week ago and asked him if he got the message.  He then writes back and says that he was “offended” that I was talking to other men too and not just him and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do.  I told him that he shouldn’t expect someone who he hasn’t even given a telephone number to nor has he even met, to be totally committed to him in a solid relationship.  I told him that I figured he was talking to other women and I didn’t see the big deal since we met on a dating site where singles are introduced to each other.  He wrote back saying that he had been talking to other women and he just ‘assumed’ that I was only talking to him and he didn’t care for the fact that I was talking to other men.  Since you can’t have it both ways in my world, I got rid of him completely and ignored his emails.  He has since disappeared finally and I removed him from Facebook.

When you are talking to people online you should expect the same.  Expect that whoever you are chatting with is probably talking to other people as well and you shouldn’t expect that they are in a committed relationship with you just because you are talking to them and PLEASE take a lesson from me and don’t add them on Facebook or MySpace unless you really know them.  I won’t do it again unless I am in a committed relationship with someone and have been dating them for a while, including meeting them in person.  If you both don’t decide that you are dating exclusively, then that is fine. Go for it.  If not, be aware that the same thing could happen to you.

Another guy I dated was really cheap and this also should be considered when dating.  He told me that his car was being repaired and that he couldn’t drive anywhere at that time so I went and kept picking him up which was OK for a while but he kept wanting to go really far and wouldn’t chip in for gas or even buy me lunch.  Not kidding.  He suggested that we go out for ice cream one time and got me a cone and told me that I could pay him for it when I got in the car.  We also went out for fast food one time and when I placed my order, he was sure to tell the clerk at the register to ring them separately so I could pay for my own order.  I couldn’t believe that after carting his behind around everywhere he couldn’t buy me a $5 meal at McDonalds.  I just got sick of it with this guy.  He is someone else who I got rid of.  We will still talk every once in a while and are friendly but I stopped going out with him and picking him up.  I consider myself to be somewhat modern and will pay once in a while, but still have enough old school in me where I feel a man should pay most of the time when he asks you out.  That may seem dated, but it is how I feel.  This is one of those times where we were friends but stopped dating.  I will still talk to him once in a while online but that is all.  If you are an ultra modern chick and want to pay for everything, then go ahead.  I won’t stop you.

One more thing to consider is the online pen pal.  I have one guy that I have been talking to for about 5 months now and I know I will never meet him. We talked once or twice on the phone but that is that.  He mentioned meeting up at one time to which I told him it seemed like a good idea and we should do it and he never mentioned it again.  That was about three months ago.  I had another guy like that who would call me on the phone and talk to me for hours and hours and email me, always telling me how we were ‘definitely going to meet up soon’ and it never happened.  Sometimes these guys just want someone to listen to them.  Maybe a phone or email relationship is easier for them because it isn’t a real commitment.  It is nice to keep some of them around as friends though.  I don’t mind and I am not the type to pressure a man into meeting me in person.  I don’t think it is a good idea to keep pushing the issue.  If you feel that you want something more, you could always throw it out there to see what they say, but understand that sometimes you are just going to end up with a pen pal.  They could be married, they could have social issues, who knows.  I hope they aren’t and they seem normal so I keep talking to them.  I figure it isn’t hurting anyone.  I just know that I am never going to meet them and that is fine.

Well that is it for now.  Next time I am going to try and compile some information for other resources for dating information in general.  I found one website and newsletter that provides information from a man’s point of view which I think you will like. Till next time….

by: Mary Frances

Tags: chatting online, cheap dates, Facebook, online dating, online pen pal, relationship

4 Responses to “Online Dating, Part 5”